Raising Independent Children: 3 Mistakes To Avoid

Dr. Michelle Deering

 

 

If your focus is raising independent children, then you need to avoid making these 3 mistakes.

Mistake #1: Being “The Cool Mom” Who Says Yes

Jhon David | Unsplash

What you need to understand about this is when a mom thinks she has say “Yes” or agree with everything her child does in order to be liked by them, then that is a recipe for disaster. You have abdicated a primary role that you have as their mom—to be their teacher and guide.

If you make this mistake of being the “Yes Mom,” then you are choosing your temporary present comfort over your child’s future.

Avoiding this mistake is critical to your child’s future success. How? The world – life – doesn’t always say “Yes.” There are “No’s” that occur. And if you don’t prepare your children for handling those eventual “No’s” then (on some level) you will actually be making them more vulnerable and less resilient to deal with life setbacks.

So to avoid making this mistake, you should focus on building a relational foundation of love and support with your child so that, when you have to say “No,” you and your child still have a connection of trust and understanding.

Mistake #2: Comparing Your Child

The main idea with this mistake is that when you compare your child to others, you erode away at their self-esteem and confidence to venture out on their own in self-advocating ways.

Jessica Rockowitz | Unsplash

The most important takeaway here is: when you compare you crush your child’s sense of self.

Additionally, you end up interacting with as if they are an image that you have in your mind of them, instead of interacting with them as your child.

Steering clear of this mistake is critical for successfully raising independent children. Why? Because if you don’t, then you will undermine your mother-child relationship and make your child feel like an object, which will then depersonalize your interactions and distance them from you.

For the best results here you should:

  • learn your child’s language of encouragement
  • observe her behavior
  • own how you’re really feeling about your reputation as a mom
  • keep perspective on what your child naturally can and cannot do.

Mistake #3: Mowing A Grassless Lawn

What you need to understand about this mistake is that that your child needs to grow in who they are and what they can do on their own.

Remi Muller | Unsplash

So, you can’t keep doing things for your child.

Even though you may like “nesting,” you need to understand that making this third mistake means then you will deprive your child of the opportunity to “grow (life) muscles” which will enable them to eventually leave the proverbial nest.

As a mom, you need to avoid this third mistake because if you don’t, then your child’s level of independence and confidence will not be at the level it needs to be to face different kinds of life transitions.

So something you can do here to avoid this is to:

  • initially give instruction on tasks
  • give your child room to try out (and fail at) new things
  • give encouragement that is genuinely real.

Learning to avoid these three mistakes will increase your confidence as you work on raising independent children who make good choices. Implementing these solutions will also help you ignore other people’s expectations of you as a mom.

 


Oh, one more thing, if you’re a mom who wants to raise children who make good choices, then…

SUBSCRIBE to

… my podcast for moms

who desire to “raise independent children”

You’ll love it!

 

©Dr. Michelle Deering | All rights reserved.

 

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