When was the last time someone gave you constructive criticism?
Do you know what criticism is?
Criticism Of Constructive Criticism
As humans we are prone to remember the last thing we heard. So, when we hear the words “constructive criticism,” the word “criticism” is all that lingers in the forefront of our minds.
Criticism is “a critical observation or remark.” The observation or remark usually pertains to a vital aspect of or pertains to a turning point at or an important juncture for the person to whom the comment is directed.
It sounds simple enough, but it is so hard for people–especially women–to digest. We are often chided with the statement, “Don’t take it personally.” But isn’t the “observation or remark” being made about us…a person.
There are two problems with criticism. The first problem with criticism is that you never can really tell the heart motive of the person delivering the message. Heart motives are discernable by the messenger’s
- Timing ,
- Tone, and
- Tenor (character).
The second problem with criticism is that the focus has shifted from the messenger to the recipient of the message. People now judge others by how well they receive criticism. The onus is on the recipient to make the internal mental and emotional adjustment.
I don’t believe that is fair.
There’s No Construction
The reason I don’t believe that onus is fair is that it doesn’t leave room for the messenger to grow in their communication and interpersonal skills.
Communication is the sending and receiving of information. You cannot receive what has not been sent. So the initiating of the transaction comes from the sender–the messenger.
The messenger is the one who constructs–builds the delivery package–the information she delivers. Sometimes that materials used to “build” and/or her ability to build are affected by prior messengers in her life.
So, to correct and adjust her message construction, she will have to
- Become aware of her impact on others.
- Make a decision about making a change (or not).
- Employ patience through the process.
Seldom does someone intentionally initiate the process of learning to (re)construct the construction of their constructive criticism.
If you’re a mom with a daughter, though, engaging in a new pattern of delivering your observations and remarks is paramount.
(Re)Construction Starts With Re-examining Your Foundation
As a mom, taking a look at the past messenger(s) in your life is key.
You will first need to look at
- How you feel about your self.
- The degree to which you value (esteem) your self.
- Whether or not you feel/think you have a voice in your life.
- The degree to which you have been or are able to have agency in expressing your voice.
Your answer to these four items will give you information about the state of your heart motives.
Why is this important to know?
Because what you are pouring out to your daughter is coming from a container in your heart. And if the container has “gunk” in it, then that “gunk” is what you are going to be passing into your daughter and the foundation of your relationship with each other.
You know, pausing to consider the above four items can feel like an uncomfortable or daunting task. And for a busy mom like you, such considerations might seem like too much to add to your already- full plate.
But, it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. And you don’t have to tackle it by yourself.
In as little as 30-days, you can get answers to these four items in The Life Mirror Remedy® (TLMR®) Personal Training Program.
Through TLMR-PTP® you will get tailored tools and strategies to build the kind of relationship you desire to have with your daughter. This program is for seriously motivated moms who want change.
©Dr. Michelle Deering | All rights reserved.